Stories, Jokes and Anecdotes
FISHING - IS NOT A MATTER OF LIFE AND DEATH, IT IS MUCH MORE SERIOUS THAN THAT!
As three-quarters of the earthís surface is water and only one quarter is land, it seems logical that man should spend three quarters of his time fishing and one quarter at work.
Lo the angler. He riseth in the morning and upsetteth the whole household.
Mighty are his preparations.
He goeth forth with great hope in his heart Ė and when the day is far spent he returneth, smelling of strong drink, and the truth is not in him.
Lord give me the strength to catch a fish
So big, that even I,
When speaking of it to my friends,
May never need to lie.
The party had been out fishing in rough water and one man was so ill that he lost his dentures overboard. When the boat moved into shelter and they started to clean the catch another member of the party took out his own false teeth and pretended to find them in the stomach of a large snapper he was cleaning.
"Look what Iíve found," he said, handing them to the queasy angler. "Fancy that big snapper swallowing them."
The seedy one took the teeth, examined them briefly and tossed them overboard.
"Not mine," he said. "Some other poor bugger must have lost them."
A Fishermanís Prayer
God grant that I may live to fish
Until my dying day
And when it comes to my last cast
I then most humbly pray
When in the Lordís safe landing net
Iím peacefully asleep
That in his mercy Iíll be judged
As big enough to keep.
Work is for people who donít know how to fish.
I spend most of my life fishing, The rest I just waste.
Even a bad dayís fishing is better than a good dayís work.
No one in this town could catch any fish except this one man. The game warden asked him how he did it. The man told the game warden that he would take him fishing the next day. Once they got to the middle of the lake the man took out a stick of dynamite, lit it, and threw it in the water. After the explosion fish started floating to the top of the water. The man took out a net and started picking up the fish. The game warden told him that this was illegal. The man took out another stick of dynamite and lit it. He then handed it to the game warden and said " are you going to fish or talk".
A guy and his buddies go off for a week long fishing trip. When he returns he is furious with his wife, he say's "you forgot to pack my underwear". Her reply " I put it in your tackle box "
One man's hobby was fishing, he spent all his weekends near the river or lake, paying no attention to weather. One Sunday, early in the morning, he went to the river, as usual. It was cold and raining, and he decided to return back to his house. He came in, went to his bedroom, undressed and laid near his wife. "What terrible weather today, honey." he said to her. And his wife, still half asleep, replied "Yes. And my idiot husband has gone fishing!"
Jim had an awful day fishing on the lake, sitting in the blazing sun all day without catching a single one. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick four large ones out and throw them at me, will you?" "Why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them." "Okay, but I suggest that you take the orange roughy." "But why?" "Because your wife came in earlier today and said that if you came by, I should tell you to take orange roughy. She prefers that for dinner tonight."
Two morons were in a boat fishing. They had great luck. One moron said to the other "we should mark this spot." So the other one leaned over a put a mark on the side of the boat. His buddy said "you fool that won't work". "Why" said the other. Because his buddy said "we may not get the same boat tomorrow".
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping and fishing trip, when they came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook.
One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!"
The other replied, "No, it's not!"
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by its clover."
One afternoon, two worms were crawling through the grass. The male worm said to female worm, "How about if you and I go back to your place?"
The female worm said, "Okay." So, the two worms went back to her place and the male worm noticed that the female worm is wearing a wedding ring.
The male worm said, "I'm sorry honey, but I don't do this sort of thing with married worms."
The female worm replied, "Don't worry. My husband is not coming home."
The male worm asked, "How do you know that for sure?"
The female worm answered, " Well, he got up early this morning and went fishing."
A couple of websites with good stories: -